In today’s world “Family” is a loose and dynamic term. Gone are the days when the Cunningham’s and Archie Bunker exemplify the stereotypical American family…I say good riddance. Lots of people try to define “family” so I thought I would add my highly opinionated 2 cents. Before I get to my definition, lets list places where you should not seek the definition, if for no other reason than to highlight my stellar ideal.
Crappy Sources of Information:
TV, especially the Fox network, Religious anything, Government Anything, Insurance companies, Institutions of Learning, Healthcare Providers, The Internet (excepting this Blog), Your parents, Books, Coworkers, Airlines, Car Manufactures, Real Estate Agents, Pet salesmen, anyone who comes to your door, Pamphlets in General.
So without Archie out of the equation how do you define family? No worries, you define it yourself. I suggest something based on sharing. Family’s share, they share all sorts of things, some share chromosomes, others a home, still more a meal, or Love…..but no two family’s are alike and no two share alike. So why would we turn to anyone else to define it?
Simple right? I think so. Sharing however can get complicated, real complicated. Here are few examples gleaned from my last family gathering.
Over Sharing: Aunt Sally’s goiter, grandma’s bunions, things better left in the bathroom, the bedroom habits of your parents….enough said, these thoughts can burn your retinas.
Retro Active Guilt Sharing: There it is, the last Jelly doughnut, the good granular sugar kind that drips raspberry jelly, left over from breakfast, just stale enough to eat casually. You take the first bite, the jelly squishes out, oozes around in your mouth, perfect. Looking up you see a shocked countenance, and hear “I was hoping to have some of that for breakfast tomorrow” You pause and realize that “some of that” means it isn’t too late, the countenance excepts the remains of the doughnut, your mouth is to full to suck out the rest of the jelly. Defeated you hand it over somehow feeling selfish that you thought the doughnut was a single serving type item.
Pro-Active Sharing: When one party imposes the sharing unilaterally. Often used with desert where one party wants a certain desert but doesn’t want all of it. “I want the triple chocolate death sunday, you can share it with me”
Negative sharing: This is the polar opposite of Pro Active. Also a desert or snack situation. “Honey can I have some chips please?” “No” “ If I get them out or if I see you with them, Im gonna want some too, so….no chips for you!”
Defensive Line Sharing: Your hungry and looking at the serving plate, you see the last Pork chop, just before you reach for it someone offers “I’m not that hungry, so does anyone one want the other half of this Pork chop? The horror! Pork chop Blocked! You wanted the whole thing now you have to either ask for all of it, share it or walk away. Options none too savory.
Ice Cream Truck regret Sharing: The item you chose is less glorious upon receipt than imagined when compared to that of your peer. “Want to trade bites?” It’s really just a way of camouflaging this question “can I have a bite.” My sons do this all the time.
Food is a cornerstone of my family, obviously.
Your parents shared a 40, a kiss and the backseat of the Buick. But it was your birth. You shared French fries, a dance and the last 50 years of your life, but it’s your death. Kids share toys, germs, but the flue is their own. You can share a moment, but the memory is yours. Families share stuff, but how you define family is up to you alone. If anyone tells you otherwise, tell them to get their own Jelly Doughnut cuzz you're not sharing.
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