10 Simple Rules for the New Freshman, or the Repressed Sophomore
Student:
By now
you have your stuff unpacked and are falling into the swing of campus
life. I remember my first few weeks in
School. It was exciting and scary. I’m sure you have sat through a lecture or
two from your folks and others about what college means and how you should
behave, and study, and whatever else.
I’m writing to wish you the best and continue the trend, but without the
tone you might expect.
So take
a deep breath, and read on.
College
is a fantastic opportunity to invent the person you want to be. No one on that campus knows anything about
you, other than what you allow them to know.
You have no baggage, no history, a clean slate. You are there to open your mind, and set
yourself on a path forward that best suits you.
Don’t worry if you don’t know what that path is, you aren’t supposed to
know yet, but you need to take the first steps.
Those first steps, and those that follow, need to be for you, and for you
alone.
On
paper, College is about the degree and the job, but in reality the things less
tangible are really what is most important.
You are in school to learn how to meet different people, to learn how to
care for yourself, and to learn how to fix mistakes. The degree will be the easy part for you, but
keep in mind, it is only part of the equation.
College is the last time you can invent yourself and make mistakes
without the fears of real life holding you back, you don’t have a mortgage, a
kid, or a wife, your life is yours, enjoy the freedom to explore a bit.
My experiences are of course different than yours will be. However, I think there are some parallels. I entered school “knowing” what I wanted to study, “convinced” I would remain in the band, “certain” I wouldn’t socialize with drinkers and smokers, “loving” my girlfriend, and “living” as a button down, straight laced, preppy white kid. Nothing worked out as I thought, and I wouldn’t change a minute of it.
I met a
few people who opened my mind and introduced me to other people, and I found
that by “saying yes” life became more fun, and more interesting. These folks helped me to figure out who I
was, and in the process, I was able to find my path in the world. I did some dumb stuff, and sometimes I got
caught. I did some smart things and was
sometimes rewarded. I remember the dumb
things more than the smart and my memories now are of ridiculous conversations,
questionable dinners, and dimly lit rooms. I built some short friendships and
some long ones, I learned that long hair doesn’t make you a bad person and
people who smoke and drink can be a lot of fun.
I learned how to cook, how to work all night, deliver the essay, and
then sleep. I learned that I wasn’t
smart enough to be a chemist, and that if I really didn’t like the folks who
were in my chemistry classes, I wouldn't like them in the chemistry field. I learned that you always should give people
the opportunity to speak, before you make up your mind about them. I learned to love classic rock and sometimes
you need to drop everything for a friend, a girl, or just because it is a
beautiful day. I learned how to explore
a cave, fall from a rock wall, and swamp a canoe. I learned that 20 bucks spent on pizza shared
with your friends is worth it every time and that sometimes it’s good to go for
a long walk. You will
learn different things at your own pace, but it is important you give yourself
the opportunity to learn and create your own list.
So I
offer you the following advice, based on my experience.
Learn
to cook: I learned as a short order cook in the Student Union, the job paid for
my books and pizza, fed me for free, and chicks dig it when you cook for them.
Learn
to Bullshit: Sitting on the steps or hanging out in a friends room, learn the
art of a fine story, feigned interest, and most importantly how to read your
audience. These skills will take you far
later in life and will make college more fun.
Say
“Yes” when asked to join: Folks will ask
you once, maybe twice and that’s it.
Unless it’s really illegal, will hurt someone or violates your core
being, say “Yes” it will open so many more doors for you. Stretch yourself to make “Yes” happen.
Get
out of your room: A college campus is a living thing, experience it. Join a club, get involved. You will meet more people, who will take you
on adventures, and help you when you need it.
Life is about connections.
Forget
what you know: The person I was and wanted to be as a freshman was not the
person who left that school. Once I
started letting go of what I “knew” and what I “wanted” and let go of the
notions instilled in me by high school and parents and began making my own
determinations, the world changed color and I learned so much more.
Take
Public Speaking: I don’t care what your degree is; you will eventually need to
speak with people. Learn in college when
it doesn’t matter what you say. The class
will help you understand how to be comfortable with yourself and know how others perceive you, which is powerful knowledge.
The skills learned will help you land a job and a date.
Buy
the Pizza: When you have the cash buy
the first pizza and share it, don’t be the guy who does the math and offers
$2.35 for his slice and a half. It will
come around, and if it doesn’t, find new friends. Also, Pizza crust is fair
game once it hits the box. There is no
shame is scoring it for yourself.
Don’t
Drink Alone: You’re in college and there is booze and drugs and whatever else
there. Don’t be stupid with them….and
never be stupid alone. If you are gonna
drink, find a friend to join you…..Don’t let a friend drink alone either. You don’t have to drink, but you need to be
there. Friends keep friends from doing
stupid, and when stupid does happen, friends are there to call for help.
Ask
for Help/ Learn to Help: The entirety of the University is there to help you
succeed, use it. Have trouble in math,
they will get you a tutor, struggling with English 101 there are free tutors
for that as well, and as a bonus she might be cute. Are you an expert in the
Organic Chem class? Offer to help your
class mates, that simple act of explaining a subject to another will enhance your knowledge….and they will owe you one.
Embrace
Change: Change happens, get used to
it. College will change your mind, and
your body. It’s not bad it just
happens. Your major might change (mine
did 4 times) your friends might change, your life will change. The trick is to guide the change by making
dumb decisions and learning from them and making smart decisions and duplicating them. Nothing goes perfectly
to plan, the sooner you learn to adapt, the better off you will be.
I recieved the following from a good old friend, who has more degrees and a significantly longer and different college experience. Below is part of the excellent advise I received from my learned friend Mike S.
- The best study technique in the world requires just a simple timer, even a cheap cell phone probably already has one. Set the timer for 20 minutes, and commit to not take a break for anything this side of a fire alarm until it goes off. No social media, no video games, nothing but straight work. Then after the timer goes off reset it for ten minutes and do whatever you want. Repeat the cycle until your work is done. Though you probably can't tolerate more than four or five hours total of it on any given day without burning out. It's a great help, but not a miracle.
- Conventional wisdom on finding a passion to pursue for your career is backwards. The easiest way to make yourself excited to do something is to become damn good at it. Nobody gets excited to play Mary Had a Little Lamb, but anyone who can pull off a decent version of Over the Hills and Far Away feels like a million bucks while doing it. It may be one of the hardest things you do in your life, but pick something you like just somewhat and push yourself to be good at it. Don't tackle more than one thing. Don't expect instant results. But when you kick ass at physics, or music, or teaching, or German, you will enjoy it ten times more than you did when you kinda thought it might be cool.
- On relationships: a surprising number of people have a romantic ideal that they'll build a fantastic platonic friendship with someone, and then later layer a romantic relationship on top of it. That's wonderful when it works, but when it doesn't the person can become bitter and disappointment because they invested weeks, months, or even years into something that failed. Stereo-typically a guy does it with a woman and then later starts moaning that nice guys finish last and they are stuck in the friend zone and so forth. But it can happen to anyone regardless of sex or orientation. Don't propose marriage at first meeting or even necessarily tell someone you think they're attractive the first week you encounter each other. But if you want to date someone, don't wait too long to express your interest and ask them out. You'll still be hurt if they refuse, but better to learn the bad news sooner.
The point is college is what you make it, life is what you make it; and those you allow in, make it. Now is your time to find you, be you, and learn who you want to be. Enjoy it, life is to short to take too seriously.
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