It is no accident that "judgmental"....includes the word "mental" you cant judge without a brain, and those with a brain, must judge.
I noticed the trend watching the late night reruns of Jerry
Springer in the late 90’s. Living alone,
with little to do except work on my thesis, I had become nocturnal in my final
college semester. At the time “Jerry”
was on fairly constantly during my waking hours and he inhabited the small
black and white analog TV that was my primary link to the outside world.
For the uninformed, Jerry featured mind numbingly stupid
story lines that typically involved love triangles, aggressive baby mommas, or
pithy introspective like “Help I’m an transvestite and my wife doesn’t know.” Classy!
The show was so low brow there were bouncers on stage to
intercept the predictable thrown chair and break up the staged slap
fights. But here in America, one person’s
suffering is another’s entertainment, the show was a great laugh. I wonder to this day, who would have ever
agreed to go on the show? Jerry must
have handed out wads of cash backstage.
If an acquaintance were to ask me “Will you join me on the Jerry
Springer Show” I would preemptively hit them, hire a lawyer, get a battery of
blood tests, freeze my bank accounts, and move to Guam.
Now then back to the point, almost invariably during these
shows the audience would be given the opportunity to offer “advice” to those on
stage. The condemned would often retort
“who are you to judge me?” “or “Don’t judge me!” Well no one ever said the guests on Jerry
were smart, we are not talking about the cream of our society. By agreeing to
go on the show the guests opened themselves to the judgement and ridicule of
the audience and the extended masses watching late night TV….it’s not like the
show format was a secret.
Today, we are in a world where folks regularly get confused
about what judgement is. We encounter
actions, ideas, or people that deviate from the norm or perhaps are well
outside of acceptable in our opinion. When confronted, these deviants retort “Don’
judge!”
See, there’s the rub, as humans we judge.
Judgement is innate, that judgement has allowed our
species to prosper. Judgement allowed “Ugg”
to know that fire was good if used correctly, it allowed Ugg’s Great great
great great grandson to determine which animals to domesticate, and allowed
Socrates to do his thing. Judgement is
part of our very being. Our laws, religions,
ethics, and society are based on that foundation. (That’s not to say our laws, religions, ethics,
and society are above reproach.) Sure you can choose to not adhere to the norm,
but that choice comes with consequences.
Perception is Reality: I have discussed this before in
“Deficiency of Perspective http://jim-afisheyeview.blogspot.com/2013/11/deficiency-of-perspective.html
If your actions are perceived by others as moronic, then you will be judged a
moron, and likely treated as such. The onus
is on you to determine if you have the fortitude and conviction to maintain
your trajectory while weathering the criticism cast by those you interact
with. Simply put, we as a species are
free to judge your actions as we perceive them. (I will contend that it is
impossible not to judge, what we perceive) You can wear the pink tutu and
basketball shoes to the high school formal, but you have to be aware and ready
for the critical comments deservedly cast by others.
Now let’s not get confused about judgement entitlement. You are entitled to judge, but not entitled
to broadcast that judgement willy nilly. There are degrees of acceptable
actions based on your personal judgement that should be maintained. For example, if you see a dangerous life
threatening situation, you should take action.
However there are times when action is not called for, and in fact is of
questionable ethical value. Those instances
are best described as lifestyle choices (who you love, what you eat, what you
worship etc.). I think it’s important to
realize that we are born unique and have the ability to consciously change our
appearance and actions . We are born
with cognitive ability, we can and should continue to judge those around us,
but should also mediate our voices and keep that judgement to ourselves most of
the time.
The real skill in navigating life is to be self-aware enough
to know how your actions are perceived by others, use that knowledge to sculpt
yourself as needed for the situation. Then determine who’s criticism matters to
you. Focus your choices on those who matter, and be cognizant but not beholden
to the rest. As a primer for folks struggling with this and having trouble
finding the proper retort to unwanted criticism I offer the following:
A Fish Eye Views Handy Retort Cheat Sheet
Listed in increasing
order of aggression:
- “Mind your own business”
- “Your opinion doesn’t matter to me”,
- Place a thumb in each ear to make bull horns with your hands and stick out your tongue while making a raspberry sound.
- “Bite Me!”
- “If I wanted crap to come out of your mouth, I would have squished your head”
- “Your Mamma!”
