Butchy's Overly Verbose Instructions on Olive Drowning

“Anyone can make a Martini; it takes skill to drown an olive correctly”

This was written to accompany a bottle of olives given as a gift. It is a little known fact that three out of four bartenders believe it is unhealthy to consume live olives. Therefore, I was obligated to include a method for safely dispatching the olives prior to consumption. The method, in this case, was a large bottle of Sapphire Gin and a very small bottle of vermouth. Since waste is discouraged, the Martini becomes an excellent vehicle to promote safe olive consumption while minimizing alcohol abuse. We can not condone Alcohol Abuse!

Butchy’s Overly Verbose Instructions on Olive Drowning

Ground rule: Martinis have Gin in them…..no such thing as a Vodka Martini.

Style Point: Martinis are shaken, stirring is for pitchers, and pitchers are for Sangria

1. Determine who is drinking: if this drink is for a woman find the fancy martini glass. For some reason, woman prefer the fancy, almost impossible to look good drinking out of it, classic Martini glass.  For a man, screw the fancy and go for a rocks glass, something short and hard to knock over, something that would look good holding scotch.  If the glass is not cold, like out of the freezer cold, then either freeze it and wait 20 minutes or add three ice cubes and a splash of water….important to do this first so the glass has time to cool. Return the ice to the freezer.

2. Consider Olives: Round, salty and stuffed with good things like cheese, garlic or peppers, some are sold resting in vermouth, all are yummy in this drink.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find any of those. If you’re using the olives I included, all you need to do is ponder the number of olives.  In the future, if you can find the olives resting in vermouth, life is good, buy them and you can skip step 4. If you’re using Hendricks Gin (and if you are, I will reserve judgement temporarily), skip the olive and get out a slice of cucumber.   Back to the point, choose the number of olives you like, (I recommend 3 of the small ones) impale them on a toothpick and set aside.  Please place the olive jar back in the fridge.  Note on future olive choices, I recommend avoiding the olives with pits, by the time you get to it at the bottom of the Martini you tend to forget the pit is there with predicable results.  

3. Find your Martini shaker: if it’s not metal, discard it, and run to the Bed Bath and Beyond and get a metal one….Plastic shakers will not transmit the heat so you can’t tell when the Martini is done, and we don’t want an under cooked martini!  Place shaker in front of you find your Gin and vermouth. (Notice there is no mention of a measure, Martinis are not measured)

4. Vermouth: The following 3 steps are applicable to vermouth use.  The enclosed bottle of vermouth is a lifetime supply if used properly as directed in Subsection A.  Subsection B will require vermouth purchase at some point depending on your willingness to try subsection C.

Acceptable Vermouth Usage:  Subsections A,B,C

Choose a method unless you have the aforementioned yummy vermouth olives, whereby you can skip sub sections A and B and go straight to step 5, 

after perusing  subsection C which is a useful recipe.

A.    Pick up the bottle of Vermouth, close your eyes, think of something happy, and wave the unopened bottle of vermouth over the metal shaker.  Don’t be afraid to wave several times, especially if you have one of those Bo Derrick running on the beach type style happy thoughts in mind. Carefully set the vermouth down.

B.     Dump out the water from your chilling glasses, shake out any water droplets lest you have a watered down beverage.  Open the bottle of vermouth and splash a small amount in the glass.  Swirl the glass to coat the inside with vermouth.  If serving one for yourself and one for a friend dump the excess vermouth from glass 1 into glass 2, swirl. Now this is critical, stay with me. Dump any remaining vermouth in the glass into the sink.  Do not consume, will pollute your taste buds, and may cloud your judgment in the critical next steps.

C.     Trout baked in vermouth.  Turn oven to 350. Obtain fresh trout, gut and remove heads. Leave skin on. Pat dry with a paper towel.  In a glass Pyrex baking dish add enough vermouth to cover the bottom, add a sliced onion, sliced lemon and some parsley…not too much.  Put a little black pepper inside fish cavity.  Set fish upright in Pyrex dish. Do this by pulling sides of the headless fish out. They will stand nicely, and the vermouth will go in the cavity.  Do not smash down, some space is ok between the inside vertebrae of the fish and the vermouth….we are not pickling them, just steaming them.  Add a little salt and more black pepper to the now standing fish.  Place in the preheated oven.  Have that Martini.  You know when fish is done so I will not bother you with the details.  The broth left in the pan is yummy and should be saved for spooning over the cleaned trout.  Once out of the oven the fish is easily cleaned by pulling the skeleton out of the open cavity. 

5. Gin: Add enough gin into the shaker.  If you were paying attention, gin is the only thing in the shaker so far….vermouth is safely in the glass bottle, lightly coating the inside of the glass and sink (remember you didn’t drink it) or nicely steaming your trout.  How much gin is up to you….but unless its two glugs your olives will not drown properly, 

and then where will you be?

6. Ice: Remove ice from freezer. Add at least 3 ice cubes to the gin in the shaker.  Take care not to splash (waste not).  If making two Martinis a bit more ice to help cool the gin, but never less than 3.  Close the metal shaker and shake vigorously until the thing is too cold to hold.  Please remember to hold the lid on firmly or you will be wasting gin as it flies though the air, landing in places other than you glass.  If you followed subsection A (recommended), while shaking the gin, deftly use the other hand to dump the ice and water 
used to chill the glass into the sink. 

7. Pour: The now suitably chilled gin is ready for your chosen receptacle.  Quickly and thoroughly transfer into your glass. Note how it is a bit milky and little pieces of ice float in it, ready to quench your ills. 

8. Garnish: The impaled olives, should sink slowly to the bottom and await consumption. If using Hendricks gin, float a thin slice of cucumber on the drink or roll the cucumber and impale with a toothpick….but it will not drown, everyone knows you can’t drown a cucumber.

9. Pride: Be proud of yourself for not succumbing to an Appletini, Hazeltini, Vodkatini…..

10. Enjoy!


          

Cliff Notes:

Directions, cut out, tape to the gin bottle, read as necessary. 

Caution if you have to read it more than three times in one evening, your morning will suck.

Obtain drinking receptacle

Dump Gin, and Ice into shaker, think happy thoughts

Shake it!

Dump into receptacle, Garnish, damit garnish.

Can also be made directly in mouth, but only for experts.

More Gooder Than Best

More Gooder than “Best”

What are you good at? Are you the ““Best”” at something? Anything?  Only the truly lucky among us can easily say “that’s my thing, I’m the “Best”” with a straight face. Even those genetically gifted few, will likely have competition.

 

We can all claim to be the ““Best””, this is especially true if you like Animated movies where the message of, “We are all the “Best” at being ourselves” is drilled into your skull with each lyric. ““Best”” really happens in sports, our sanctioned gladiator contests of the modern world. Sports are about being the “Best” at the moment.

   

The idea of ““Best”” is something we are supposed to strive to attain….be the “Best” you can be.  We have honor rolls, awards, and the Olympics.  Generally I agree that it is good to try and excel at your given endeavor.  I like awards for folks who excel, I think it encourages others. However, there is a down side; you knew that right?…After all this is my blog. 

““Best”” is illusive, and has a price.

I generally look at life, skill, and focus as a continuum.  We all have a finite amount of each, and how we spend the time or allocate our mental resources, really determines our personalities.  Folks that are the ““Best”” are on the continuum as well, they have the desire, and innate ability to excel, and are super focused on one particular thing.

 I wonder:  If you use all of your energy to be the “Best” at one thing……can you be the good at anything else?

 

Americans seem to forget this.  We like to be shocked when our favorite professional athlete fails in the personality department (take your pick ), or when our professional actors turn out to be psychopaths (Cosby)…..models who are favored only for their looks are often found to be lacking as well ( I’m looking at you Naomi Campbell).  What about our captains of industry who are anal cavities (Trump). Which might only be surpassed by our TV news anchors, who are attractive people who are good at speaking…..but we expect them to be honest  (Sorry Tom Brokaw, and Sober, Poor Diane Sawyer, Genuine, plastic  Barbara Walters well timed tear, and Smart, moronic Weather channel guy who stands in the storm surge.)

In the academic world, the same is true.  I have encountered PhD’s who are literally rocket scientists who aren’t capable of a simple small talk conversation. I think what saves academia from the big scandals is that they don’t have the funds to truly misbehave and therefore fall into the realm of quirky, excepting the likes of the uni-bomber.

These are huge generalities…but the trend is there.

We expect our heroes who are the “Best” at their one thing, to be good at everything…..Just because you’re strong enough to play pro ball doesn’t mean your stable enough to maintain a relationship.  We have misguided ourselves to place ridiculous constraints on our heroes.

I am not a fan of the hero policy.  I don’t think I have yet to encounter anyone who qualifies as hero enough to be elevated to that rank. Maybe I’m overly cynical, but the folks in my life, past and present, have flaws. As humans we all have flaws, those flaws keep people out of the hero book.  Instead, I like to recognize both flaws and skills of an individual and determine which to avoid, which to emulate and which are tied together…..”Can I achieve his level of success without being an A-hole?”  As you know, sometimes it’s possible to separate success from flaws. Sometimes it isn’t.

I would like to tell you that I haven’t met anyone who has passed my rigorous tests to be a hero, which is why I never want to be the “Best”….this isn’t true .  Instead, I’ll admit that I really don’t like the ideal of a super focused hero type at all.

 

I like to attain a mix of skills….I have always known that I don’t have the raw skill, time or dedication to be the “Best” at anything.  So why try?  Instead I like to be passable at as many things as possible.  The Renaissance man ideal! 

There was a time when Leonardo da Vinci was held in high esteem for his achievements in multiple arts and sciences; perhaps the poster child of Renaissance man. However, the ideal is not really celebrated in today’s world and I think it’s missing.  We do celebrate those few among us the truly special who have personality and brains (Neil deGrasse Tyson) the outstanding athletes who have personality (Mark Hamilton, short list here had to pick someone). But I think it’s rare and under reported.  In America the only thing we like better than our celebrities, is the fantastic spectacle of watching them crash and burn (Lance Armstrong).

So I’m not the “Best” at anything.  I don’t want to be, I’m super ok with that, and you should be as well. I’m striving for a step better than mediocre but less than excellent.

Not sure I know anyone who is “The Best”, but then again I can do a few things better than most people.  I can out fish anyone I know, I can shoot straight.  But I can also cook, speak in public and do home repairs.  I can write (kinda), and do a few other things well enough to mention, but I haven’t hurt anyone, been in the news, or had a public melt down.  I exist in a happy unpopular mediocrity of balance.

 

 Times have changed and like the rest of nature we have evolved to be ever more specialized in life.  No longer are you a mechanic, but now you are a mechanic specializing in foreign cars, you don’t teach, but educate 4^th grade special education, you are not an engineer, but are now a water resource engineer specializing in water quality.  As our society demanded more specialization, we have evolved.However, the ultra-specialized are more susceptible to subtle changes in the environment.  Despite what you have seen on Looney Tunes, the likes of Wyle E. Coyote are far more successful in today’s world than those of the cougar.  Coyotes are excellent at adapting and are flexible, and so have flourished.

 The lesson is there and I think it’s worth keeping in mind.  Be good at what you do, but also be flexible, adapt, and be creative.

 I have yet to push my kids to be the “Best”.  I want them to experience enough of life and gather enough skills to be successful in their own right. I ask them to make good choices, take initiative and follow through: I want them to be able to take care of themselves, wherever they find themselves in the future. Experience will help you know where your strengths are, and were you excelled. Building a resume of varied experience will open doors not yet encountered, and help you change with our society. You never know when an old skill will prove useful.

Different in a Land of Different

Different in a Land of Different

Spaceport, Fly Virgin Galactic!

Over a portion of the Easter break I packed up the family, (yes including the dog), a cooler and a truckload of other necessities and hit the road for south central NM.  Few of my readers have made it to New Mexico, which means even fewer of you have seen south central NM.  However, if you ever find yourself in Albuquerque with nothing to do and a hankering for a couple hundred mile round trip there are worst places to go, like for example, Texas. 

What’s in South Central NM?  You might ask…..well not much.  A great portion of the area is consumed by white sands missile range.  In fact the base is about 3200 square miles of nothing, which the guys in green and contractors of all ilk’s, use to test munitions and other things we aren’t supposed to know about.  For comparison, if White Sands was a state it would be bigger than Delaware and Rhode Island, but smaller than Connecticut, so it is a lot of nothing.  However, tucked roughly into the center of the base, resides the White Sands National Monument, and that is definitely something to add to your bucket list.

Yep,  White Sands, and the sky is THAT blue!

We spent a few hours at White Sands, sledding down the whitest sand dunes you will encounter in this country.  The dunes are made of gypsum and are cool to the touch.  So unlike your days at the Jersey shore, you will not burn your feet on this sand.  The place is other worldly as you climb the first dune and see a sea of parallel dunes, stark white, rippled and a few stories tall, and in the far distance mountains in all directions. For those of you still in denial about climate change, this place serves a stark lesson.  It was once the site of a lake, fertile enough to sustain mammoths, their footprints preserved in the sand. 

Today there is life at White Sands but the word fertile would not be in the first thousand uttered to describe the place.  The lack of shade is fairly astounding and it feels more akin to a Star Wars set than a national park.  As we walked barefoot through the park, careful to avoid the sharp gypsum crystals that form where puddles once stood, I found myself looking down for shells to collect, only to have to be  reminded that the surf was not just over the next dune.

Iris the dog, had us all out smarted and dug down into the sand to where it’s damp and cool to lay down.  She would chase the kids and bound up and down the shimmering dune face, but always returned to her damp excavation.

The sunsets at White Sands are legendary and when the moon is full, the white sand reflects so much light, the park service offers moonlight bike tours, I have been told its stunning.  However after a few hours the kids were beat and we all had a “been there done that” feeling about the place, so no sunset or moonlight tour for us, those activities will have to remain on the bucket list.  Afterward,  we generally  agreed that if it had been one degree hotter the place would have been unbearable…. it was 61 degrees and breezy. 

Deming of Old, and not much has changed

Rock Hound State park brought us to Deming, NM.  Deming is a very small town that looks like it was cut from a 1950’s real estate catalog, pasted on the ground and allowed to age.  I recommend you check out the wikiwhatever post for it…read all the way through and you will get a good impression of the town.   

Rock Hound is unique since instead of having to smuggle the rocks you collect, as is standard in other state and federal parks in the country, you are allowed and encouraged to take a rock hammer and collect. 

The mountainside is steep and about halfway up you start finding red jasper. There are other minerals as well, so by the time you get up the mountain to the layer that contains geode like things called thunderstones (no really that’s the name, Thunderstone is not a hair band knockoff of the rolling stones) you have collected what feels like a hundred pounds of stones.  Geology aside I think the layer is popular with collectors because they have also filled their bags on the way up the hill and the spot marks the limit most folks are willing to walk up a 30 degree slope.

Rock Hound State Park

We dug a few stones out of the matrix that looked promising and smashed them open without ceremony, to find out what was inside. One had blue common opal, another, rich veins of jasper.  Buoyed by the success, I found another nodule and despite its odd shape I convinced myself it was indeed a thunderstone.  I added it to the full backpack and headed down the hill, family in tow, reminded that I was not 21 anymore with each step. 

The dog, well aware that we were slightly nuts, left her excavation, and followed us down the hill.  When given the chance she would lay down in the middle of the trail as if to remind us all of the madness to descend such a steep grade carrying rocks. 

We found a shop that was manned by an old, one eyed miner, who I’m convinced was the inspiration for every “Old Miner” in every Scooby Do cartoon. The Man explained he had health issues from silicosis, and that he now just mined and polished the stone, not cut them.  He took us through his shop which was completely off the grid.  Powered by solar cells and a fleet of car batteries. Just par for the course in Southern NM.

Eventually we found a rock shop with a saw, however the proprietor  told me not to waste money cutting open the stone I had lugged.  After carrying the stone for a mile down the hill, 6 bucks seemed like a bargain to see what was inside it.  The man disappeared to cut the rock and came back 10 minutes later telling me the saw was making weird noises, which was a good sign.  The cut rock showed opal and jasper throughout and the proprietor showed me the vein would glow under a black light.  The shop owners seemed very surprised when I told them where I found the rock….as if to indicate that I gave away a secret.

The view on the way home.

As we headed out of Deming, on the 5 hour trip home, it occurred to me that the family and I traveled for two days and almost 700 miles and never left NM.  We moved through high desert and several immigration control points, but never left the state or the country (we were within 30 miles of Mexico at the closest.)  For folks like us who don’t spend time in church and who don’t have family within several thousand miles, I feel the trip was an excellent opportunity to reflect. For some the drastic scenery and mind numbing miles are a chore but I find it cathartic and the same time exhilarating to explore and see the diversity of geography our state and by extension our country, has to offer.  Getting out an experiencing it is not always easy, but is always worth it.