An Introverted W(hole) in the Woods

An Introverted W(hole) in the Woods

As a boy I found comfort in the solace of the woods in an imagined self-imposed, hardship,  romantic, fantastic  “My Side of the Mountain “ sort of way.  The woods around my home had all a boy needed, places to hide, sticks to make forts, a stream to fish in…..life was good.  The woods formed a shield, a playground, and a place to safely get lost.

Today I find myself in management, and part and parcel of management is the inevitable leadership training.  I have been through it all before, it started in Boy scouts and followed me throughout life. In high school some folks took interest in me, and subjected me to a multitude of personality tests.  Not the mental stability kind but rather the Left brained Right brain, aptitude and other geeky non psychopathic reviews.  In those tests, I fell dead center, Yep I'm center brained, balanced, blahh blah, blah....In college I lead groups on high adventure trips and attended faculty meetings as a student representative.  I have been labeled, Type A, “A Red” and an extrovert among other things. I’m always the guy who gets chosen by the management training consultant to be the over bearing manager. 

To all of this I’m fairly indifferent, I am who I am and I’m comfortable with that.  Time alone in the woods as a kid, allowed me to know who I was, and what I wanted.  The personality labels just allow others to be comfortable and give folks a sense of security since they think they have a handle on the situation. Labels are for the uncomfortable.

I remain confused though about the idea of being an Introvert or an Extrovert.  For many, my size, my willingness to express my convictions, and loud voice, is all they need to classify me as an extrovert. (Is this Blog an exercise in extroversion, or the mental mastication's of an introvert?) Normal sized people such as myself are not permitted to be an introverted, the shorter 98 percent of the world thrust leadership roles upward as if by instinct.  I learned a long time ago to accept the opportunity rather than accept the poor leadership of others. Being an extrovert opens doors in my business which is dominated by people who would rather sit a desk than stand in a cocktail reception…but does that make me an extrovert? 

In my youth spent a lot of time in camouflage, sitting alone in the woods on the bank of a stream.  I cherished the idea of being more or less un-noticed by whatever animals were out and about, human or otherwise. Time alone in the woods was not to be taken lightly and I would plan a weekend around the adventure. I would be armed with my trusty Red Rider BB Gun, a Rambo Knife and a sense of woodsmanship instilled by countless Boyscout  camping trips.  I was a boy who thought too much and was heavily armed.  I was alone because I wanted to be, I had a family and friends, but now and again nothing suited me more than to disappear for the better part of a day, as a whole in the woods. 

I still seek out solitude a few times a year and relish it. Does that make me an introvert? If talking loudly makes me an extrovert, and I don’t talk while I’m in the woods, will society allow me to be the introvert? Or are people who cherish the outdoors and a day or two of solitude Uni-bombers, and hermits?

It’s a strange and slightly twisted set of rules or society places on us.  The stereo types we strive so hard to quell in our schools and institutions, the idea that we are all special, has ramifications.  Oddly I can relate to the supermodel who complains that people treat her differently….not that I’m that pretty.  But as a normal sized, white male, I’m expected to stand up for the little guy, lead the way, and help others all the time.  It’s like a boys life article from the 1950’s was taped to my chest which can only be read by those who see it at eye level.  I of course can’t read it, but I imagine this says “this guys a freak, put him in charge” Like the supermodel I’m not allowed to complain about it, for fear of being dull.  However, trust me, there are times when I wish I was able to disappear into the crowd better, and avoid the responsibilities imagined by those around me. 

I have a trip scheduled in a few months. A flight, a long drive and a few days of fishing in water to noisy to talk over.  Part of the trip will allow me the opportunity to escape and recharge my solitude batteries.  I’m looking forward to it.   In the meanwhile, the world can continue to label me as it likes and ‘ll continue to act as I like and allow the chips to lay as they fell.