The Death of Mellow

So we made it, the holidays are behind us.  We survived.  I’m guessing we all ate too many cookies, watched some bad TV, maybe imbibed a little too aggressively, (For the record, never water down sweet booze with vodka, you will regret it, I did.) and got through essentially unscathed.  Now what?  For me I used the time to calm down a bit.  I made a concerted effort to reduce stress and allow the world to slow down.

After the holiday break I resolved myself to the long dark months ahead.  I settled into my office chair, turned on Handel’s Water Music and began working….it was good to be productive again, it was really good to not be thinking about the next week, or the next months, it was just the work, it was a Tuesday.  I managed to stay focused, just began to feel like I had the “now” fully in my grasp and found the rhythm, January was moving by, but it wasn’t flying.  I had little on the Radar and life was percolating nicely.  The world was mellow.

Then, the phone rang.  

The call was short, to the point, and devastating.
 “Hello”
 “Butchy, It’s on!”

I have alluded to this in the past; I’m a person of many nicknames. Butchy is used by those I fish with, some of whom don’t know my first name.  So those three words, “Butchy, It’s on!” told me all I needed to know to completely wreck my peaceful resignation to winter.  I knew with those words a fishing trip was in the works, I was invited, and I would spend the next months consumed with anticipation like a kid with a toy catalog.

The internet abounds with cute phrases, and quotes on the idea of “living in the now” and in the past I have completely disregarded them, or rather chuckled at the naivety.  Really, how can you enjoy the now, if you didn’t plan properly 2 months ago?  Makes sense to me. However, recently I realized that this is a life consuming proposition. You never really get to enjoy the now because there is always something further out to plan, and if there isn’t anything to plan, that’s a whole other worry. This wasn’t really an epiphany, in fact I fought it.  I fought the notion hard, and lost.  Who wants to change a lifetime of perspective?  Can you even begin to change a life time without the crash and burn of rock bottom?

Rock bottom isn’t an option; I’m not riding this ship to visit Davie Jones.  After a taste of the freedom those few days in January allowed, I’m torn between the excitement of anticipation and planning and the mellow resolve of day by day living.  Kids seem to have this figured out.  They have short range Radar that allows them to anticipate ice cream for dessert but the thought of it doesn’t consume their day.  Kids make and lose plans willynilly, fail, cry, and move on.  Adults eat the ice cream and worry about fitting into a bathing suit in three months.  I think about what ice cream flavor to serve 6 months in advance.

There is a balance in there somewhere, just got to find it.

February is almost over.   I can see the idea of Spring lurking around. First we must weather March, with its wind, Green Beer, Ides and all.  Then Birthdays, Trout Season, Hikes, Tie Shirts, 4^th of July, Vacation, Bugs, Sunburn, Poison ivy, Back to School Shopping………..

Still looking for that Balance obviously.