On the Cusp of 40

"Life is what happens while your busy making other plans" (John Lennon)

On the Cusp of 40

No I did not say Couple of 40’s, which may have been uttered in my youth, the days of St. Ides gracing a dinner table are far behind me.  My 40^th Birthday is fast approaching in a few short weeks and I have yet to grapple with the mental baggage associated with it.  Really it’s kinda silly…..40 is just another day, a measure of time we humans have concocted….the 4^th decade, the big 40.  I’m not too worried.  I have been watching folks I knew in my youth hit the milestone roll on with life.  The only real difference, and it is a sad difference, is the Face World notifications that used to be about engagements, marriages and births, are rolling over into notifications of illness and untimely death.  So that’s a bummer. 

I think some of this weight of the big 40 is based our need to compare ourselves to others.  We ask ourselves “Have I done enough?” “Am I rich Enough?” “Is my car bigger than that guys?” Stuff like that, and depending on how we feel that day, or how much coffee we have had, the answers can be uplifting or devastating….it’s a crap shoot.

As I sit here pondering, it occurs to me that I have never had a life plan….I haven’t had a target that has directed my decisions and served as a guide.  Rather than a guided life, I feel that I have kind of wandered, and made decisions on which fork in the road to follow, as it was encountered…..Looking ahead has its advantages, but we all know the future is unknown and our vision not as good in front (foresight) of us as it is behind (hindsight).  My path forward was never clear until the cross roads came, and then once turned, the path closed in again, allowing only a short glimpse ahead and behind.  Looking at life this way has the distinct advantage that there is no map for me to compare my path too.  It is by definition perfect, since there is no answer key to tell me I failed.

Since my path is all I know, it is frankly impossible for me to compare mine to yours, or for you to compare yours to anyone else. Really what does one gain from that comparison?

I can tell you that I have few regrets. Things that at the time were huge traumas look small in the rear view and opportunities missed were never really mine in the first place.  My hope is you all can say the same thing.

I don’t have a deity to thank for this, I don’t consider my life a blessing.  People. People are what make life what it is and the weight of those folks rivals the power of the DNA in our veins.  My parents gave me the genetics, and basic skills to survive in the world and to a larger extent, survive the manifestations of those genetics. In effect they started the trip for me.  Along the path I have found people.  Some of those people have traveled with me, helped and choose the next turn, others have remained stationary and warped the path by the shear mass of their gravity.  A few have cleared paths, and still fewer have tried to block the path.  But those people all, have had an influence.  Chances are if you are reading this, you have been one of those people, and I would like to thank you.

I have learned a few things along the way.  I think those lessons are worth sharing: but I also believe I’m speaking to experts, you each, alone, are the experts of your life.

I refuse to believe in fate.  As a student of history and nature, the idea of fate can be a cruel realization. Our world, can be harsh, taxing, and murderous place. Some would philosophize that we survive in a hostile environment and that all beauty in life is based on that survival. 

Terminator Removed her Fate

Moltke said: “No plan of operations extends with any certainty beyond the first contact with the main hostile force” 

While I don’t necessary agree that the planet is a hostile place; I like to maintain that this axiom, posed by a military commander, holds the key to why I think the idea of fate is bunk and why all life plans are doomed to fail.  We can plan all we like, but it’s our environment that has the power to sculpt the path. We can only dictate a finite portion, and react to realities as they occur.

I think my favorite bit of life lesson is this: People, the world over want to be happy, want healthy kids, a good meal, and a laugh with friends. Regardless of the language spoken or deity followed. I would like you all to keep this in mind.  The diversity of life and ideas, has an impact on our lives; we should strive to be diverse both mentally and idealistically. In nature, isolated populations either wither and die, or become so uniquely specific they lose the ability to adapt.  Choose to sit near the strangest looking person in the room, order the menu item that is weird, ask others about their lives, say “yes” when invited, and I promise you will have far more fodder for the memory books than you would watching “Game of Thrones”.  We need to adapt, we need to change, we need to recognize the influence of different. We need that color and flavor in our lives.

Moltke had it right, even if you don’t assume that your environment is a hostile force, no life plan can go perfectly, unless your in a vacuum, and then what kind of life would that be. The forces of change are already there subtly altering your path, to be understood, only if you take the time to recognize.