Had occasion to spend an evening out with my wife. It’s a rare thing, as any of you fellow “breeders” know kids cramp a social calendar. What was ever more special about the time out is that we were in a bar that didn’t have random yard sale stuff nailed to the wall. It was a nice time. We did our share of people watching and made a game out of trying to figure out who was with who in a cool little jazz bar attached to our hotel. Two items from that bar are worth mentioning: 1. It was trendy enough to make it hard to determine who was coupled with who, 2. Women are into carrying huge purses.
Since its impossible to discuss the first without a picture….bare with me while I vent on the second.
I’m a guy who has a wallet, it has all I need for whatever contingency. Often, I’ll strip this down to a money clip….ID, Cash, Credit card, Health Insurance card. Other than keys and a pocket knife (future post) what more do you need? Ok a cell phone, hanky, pen and eye glass case. All of this fits nicely into the pockets of men. Relax ladies I know the story, already you are mouthing the words “women don’t have/ use pockets.” Ok, find the above mentioned items, add in the travel face makeup, subtract the knife, and substitute tissues for the hanky (I have never had a woman hand me a knife or a hanky from a purse) and look at the size of the pile….now look at the purse. What else is in there? Do you need it? Can you find what you need quickly? Really, I mean as fast as I can pull it out of my pocket? Doubt it on all counts if the purse fits the trends I saw out over the weekend.
Why do I care……..beyond the “Small personal item”, issue when on the airplane, your purse impacts my life. And no, it’s not because I appreciate the fashion aspects.
On returning to reality after our night out turns out the kids and my wife’s colds had gotten worst. Chicken soup to the rescue! I hit ShopRite at 8 am Sunday, race through for the ingredients for scratch soup, and make it to the checkout in 15 minutes. Now I’m stopped cold. I have to choose a line, the self checkout is down….choosing the right line is critical to my sanity, after all my families health depends on this soup. So first look for a cashier who is bright eyed and sharply typing codes. Second avoid the older lady with the purse over her arm and the coupon folder in her hand. Third, find a guy who looks like he is trying to do the same thing as me, fourth avoid the woman with the large handbag.
In Philly, 8 am on a Sunday is the first time the sale papers are in effect, and the stores are packed with the “older lady with a coupon folder types” I was the only solo man there. The lines were packed so I had to triage out my choices and chose a 30 something woman, casually perusing a magazine while the cashier did her best…..I did not see the purse until it was too late. So I watched as the cashier ran the order over the scanner and the woman reviewed the magazine, I watched as the woman continued to read the magazine as the cashier bagged the food. By now by blood pressure is ridiculous, but I’m boxed in…..food already on the counter, ATM card out and in my hand, I’m stuck! At this point the woman heaves a purse the size of a large diaper bag onto the counter and begins rummaging for her wallet. After an eternity she surfaces with one of those wallet/ check book things.
My heart sank, a check? Really, a check? Instead of rifling through the lost world in the purse and producing the check while the cashier is working, the world must continue to wait while you fill out the check, and then the ledger! “Maybe she will take the receipt and balance it in her car,” I foolishly thought. Nope, resting the ledger on her purse, purse on the counter, I watched her carry the one and balance the book. Then she had to fold the ledger, snap the wallet, and careful reinsert to the purse, re heave the purse into the cart and then begin to get out of the way…..
I lost 15 minutes of my life, waiting for someone to pay a bill in part due to inconsideration, and part due to the purse. I figure I lost an additional 45 minutes of total life span and added 7 grey hairs, a high price for fashion!
I know there are a lot of generalities in this story, I know there are exceptions. This is not the first time this has occurred, I’m sure it has occurred to you. However I have never had to wait for a man to rifle through the purse, nor fill out a check. And those magazines put all that men are interested in on the front cover. When was the last time “Field and Steam” or “Sports Illustrated” was in the checkout line? I would be willing to pay 5 percent more for a men only checkout, no checks, no purses, no small talk, thank you. Soup Nazis style, credit card or cash out, type in the frequent shopper number move through the line, bag your food, mess up and lose your line privileges. I think if retailers ever realize men hate shopping and really hate having to wait for someone to take your money, they would capitalize on the niche.
If I lose 45 minutes of life due to stress induction, every time I shop, I’m doomed to never see it.
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